This page WILL be updated OFTEN, as it's definitely the weirdest
shelf in the closet...
Last update: October. . . um. . . 23, 11:55
PM Alaska Standard time
Well, how weird ARE you, anyway? How about the Penn
& Teller web site? (How weird am I? Well, I first saw
these guys in a San Francisco review called "Asparagus. . .")
Headline in Vernal, Utah, newspaper: METHAMPHETAMINE
BILL SPEEDS THROUGH SENATE
Okay, admit it: You always WANTED to visit the Dr.
Seuss Website! (Due to questions of copyright infringement,
The Cat in the Hat has been banished from our site, never to return. .
When I saw this
dancer in an animation gallery, I thought she looked familiar. . . . Wait!
Isn't that the holographic hypnoshell used by those sneaky aliens
in Duke Nukem 3D?! Why, yes! It IS!! (Well, hey, why did
you think I've been wasting so much time at the computer?) DukeNuke junkies
should visit the Best Duke Nukem
Site , where you can download maps, patches, the shareware version---even
the Nukem family tree. (Yep. . . I've DEFINITELY got to get a life. . .
We are thankful there are those who DON'T have a life, because
they spend their idle hours playing computer games and telling us where
to find all the @#$!! SECRET STUFF. . . try the C/NET
Game Center for guides to Duke and Quake, among others. Slow to load, for
The following items showed up in my e-mail
box under the general heading of
More people too stupid to live:
I do not vouch for their truth or accuracy---yeah,
yeah, yeah, this guy strapped a JATO bottle to his Chevelle, see, and---but
you know, I kind of HOPE they're true. . .
- 45 year-old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas, after a
mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in
the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic
for an oil change. According to the police, Brasher later said that she
didn't realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change
- Portsmouth, R.l. Police charged Gregory Rosa, 25, with a string of
vending machine robberies in January when he (1) fled from police inexplicably
when they spotted him loitering around a vending machine and (2) later
tried to post his $400 bail in coins.
- Karen Lee Joachimmi, 20, was arrested in Lake City, Florida for robbery
of a Howard Johnson's motel. She was armed with only an electric chain
saw, which was not plugged in.
- The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger
King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 7:50am, flashed a gun and demanded cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register
without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said
they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walk away.
- David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Providence, R.I., after
allegedly knocking out an armored car driver and stealing the closest four
bags of money. It turned out they contained $800 in PENNIES, weighed 30
pounds each, and slowed him to a stagger during his getaway so that police
officers easily jumped him from behind.
- The Belgium news agency, Belga, reported in November that a man suspected
of robbing a jewelry store in Liege said he couldn't have done it, "because
he was busy breaking into a school at the same time." Police then
arrested him for breaking into the school.
- Drug-possession defendant Christopher Johns, on trial in March in Pontiac,
Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said
the officer didn't need a warrant because of a "bulge" in Christopher's
jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened
to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the
judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket
and laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to compose himself.
- Dave so-and-so of Anniston, Alabama, was injured recently after he
attempted to replace a tubelike fuse in his Chevy pickup with a 22-caliber
rifle bullet (used because it was a perfect fit). However, when electricity
heated the bullet, it went off and shot him in the knee.
The author is solely responsible for the contents of these
pages and the opinions expressed herein. You may address suggestions, comments,
and criticism to
Satch Carlson, PO Box 113087, Anchorage, AK 99511-3087 USA.