(in no particular order)
  1. Consume my own weight in rubber cement
  2. Send a picture of myself in a glow-in-the-dark sarape to the NSA
  3. Paint my truck with Stealth bomber paint -- but drive around with the windows down
  4. Find an alternative to lamination (to keep the cat from getting so many fingerprints)
  5. Shave the Basque word for "uncle" in my beard
  6. Collect a group of people in which the whole of their conversational skills is a great deal less than the sum of its parts; then shoot them
  7. Sit in front of CAS in a big bean bag and laugh to myself
  8. Contrive a way to fill light bulbs with Silly Putty without violating my personal ethics
  9. Erect a shrine to John Cusack and Roger Waters on my roof without turning my four-plex into a Mecca of good taste
  10. Compose a poem that only makes sense if you're silicon-based
  11. Develop the ability to exude wallaby pheremones at will
  12. Turn the spare room into a hydroponic loofah farm
  13. Two words: edible Velcro
  14. Manufacture $10,000 in bright orange, otherwise perfect counterfeit $2 bills
  15. Construct a working still out of Legos
  16. Bite at least three people in the park
  17. Get my photo taken with Anthony Robbins in a house of ill repute in Nevada
  18. Scan every square inch of my house at 3000 DPI so I have the necessary data to create a replica of it in hyperspace when the technology becomes available
  19. Collect hair samples from all my friends and family in case I am transported to an alternate universe where I am the last person on Earth as well as a highly skilled cloning expert
  20. Burn in effigy a 1/10 scale model of Carol Channing
  21. Teach preschoolers in my neighborhood the periodic table
  22. Become the first human to make a naked snow angel in the Martian polar ice cap
  23. Buy an old Mac Classic II, replace the tube with Plexiglass, and turn it into a fishtank
  24. Crochet Pink Floyd doilies for everyone in the CS department
  25. Dress up my stuffed Winnie-the-Pooh in a leather thong and strap him to the hood of my car
  26. Solder my own Ethernet interface for the Commodore-64
  27. Have lunch with Andre
  28. Test-market positive thinking
  29. Roll up an entire Carrs vegetarian pizza and eat it like a giant burrito
  30. Spend years learning kung fu from Shaolin monks in a remote temple in Hunan just to get the cool souvenir pebble
  31. Digitize every phoneme produced by my Speak-N-Spell and reassemble them to recreate great speeches from history
  32. Adapt Nine Inch Nails songs for the accordion
  33. Sort a gallon jar of quarters in order by date, then shininess
  34. Drive up Arctic Valley at four o'clock in the morning, stand on top of my truck, and recite "My Last Duchess" by Robert Browning at the top of my lungs until the State Troopers drag me away kicking and screaming "Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it?"
  35. Arrange for Captain Kangaroo to have a cameo on Babylon 5
  36. Locate some old reruns of "Villa Alegre" and show them at work billed as "Management Training" videos
  37. Take a Lego space man to class with me and tell everyone he's a "Nexus-1" replicant, then "retire" him with a hammer
  38. Permanently glue William Shatner's toupee to Rick Mystrom's head
  39. Spend $8000 to dress up just like TRON for Halloween
  40. Discover a way to transmute ordinary rocks into warm egg salad
  41. Make a film documenting the early days of Infocom

Royce D. Williams (
Document title:
Created sometime before: December 14th, 2000
Last updated: 2016-10-15