THE I.R.N. ANSWER -- Vol 3, #3 A N S W E R S T O T H E I R N Q U E S T I O N ----------------------------------------------------- "Why are people so obsessed with sex?" Volume THREE, Number THREE February 22, 1993 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "- all the gnus that have fits to Prince -" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- LETTER FROM THE EDITOR Woo, sorry this one is a week late ... lots of tests to study for, and I'm too easily distracted anyway, as many of you can attest to .... Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be someone else? To crawl into their head and live there for a while? To actually hear what they are thinking? Better yet, wouldn't it be neat to read other people's minds? (And be able to turn this ability on and off selectively, of course ... otherwise, you'd go barking looney.) What if you tried to read your own mind while you were in someone else's head? Would you be caught in some psychic feedback loop? Would you think one thing, and then hear echoes of it eternally? Or would it just give you a headache and a slightly metallic taste in your mouth when you woke up? What ever happened to the rest of the Mouseketeers? Annette went on to do "Beach Blanket Bingo" and Skippy(tm) commercials, but what about those other folks? How would prospective employers react if you had "Mouseketeer, 1962- 1965" on your resume? -- ASRDW1 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- FROM -- ACAD2A::PSSLA "Lorraine" What a question !! Could it be just for the pleasure that it brings ? Too simple huh ? Not for me !!! R: "The simple pleasures are the best." If that were true, then closing your eyes would be better than sex. Well, for some of us, it has to suffice. FROM -- ACAD2A::ASBAM "Mr. Wizard" They aren't. Sex is actually intelligent, and is obsessed with people. Humans are so flexible and imaginative... that's why sex enjoys people so much more than other life forms. R: This week's Best Answer Award goes to Bryan, because this answer was so utterly brain-folding and twisted that it made my teeth feel like they were wearing little sweaters. FROM -- ACAD3A::VNSMP I don't know about anyone else, but I'm obsessed with sex because I wanna' be. actually I suspect that no one else is obsessed with sex but me. If other people were obsessed with sex, then I would be able to participate in it rather than just obsessing on it. R: They ARE obsessed with sex, Sheldon. Just, not with us. FROM -- ACAD2A::ASCSJ "Curtis Jewell -- 3/4 Insanity..." How should I know? I have no personal experience... but if you ask me, maybe I can find a few kids for you somewhere... Something to do rather than the IRN, maybe... now THAT is a thought... R: Kids? Hmm. Reminds me of "Crazy People," when the ad president said, "SOMEONE TELL ME SOMETHING TRUE!" and one of th junior ad execs said, "...I like little boys." FROM -- ACAD2A::ASGDS "GEOFF D STEWART" Just WHOM are you refering to! Well I suppose YOU"VE never had erotic fantasies about the Swedish Olympic Team?!!! Seriously Though (Yea Right) I think the reason people are so obsessed with sex is that the media keep showing us images of people have wild passionate sex. These people they show us seem to be REALLY good at sex, if you use their reactions as a gauge. For the people they show us, every single sex act is a kicking-screaming-spine jolting-claw marks down the back-look into the face of GOD experience, and thats BEFORE the orgasm! Sadly, I am not an expert at that type of sex (but I'd be willing to be trained ;-) ) from what I've heard though that type of sexual experience is a rare occurance at best. I now would like to suggest the next question... "What do you think is the wildest thing that Torgier "THE Satyr" has ever done?" Love and eviscera Geoff R: Torgeir "The Satyr" ? And just how have you come by this information, Geoff? That's not a bad idea for a question ... I'll have to ponder it. Better yet, let's just ask The Satyr himself ... his answer will surely be as entertaining as anything we could come up with. FROM -- ACAD2A::ASRBB "The Firebird (Rick)" Oooo! Maybe because it's the most intense physical experience one can have... And being one of the big 3 human physical drives (the other 2 being thirst and hunger), for most people (the exception being with a minority of VAX-users I've met on here *grin*) it is the one that is satisfied least often. And then again, who says people are obsessed with sex? The general public does maintain an aggregate level of interest in the subject, true. It takes a lot of self-control to avoid all the sexual assaults offered by the media and advertising. But, I have known quite a few people, male and female, who couldn't care less about sex unless it was with the person they love. "When it comes to dating, we're all looking for someone sleazy enough to turn us on in bed, but who won't embarrass us in public." -- Some comedian, I forget who... Ricky B R: Personally, I'm looking for someone who will embarrass me in bed, and will turn me on in public. But hey, that's just me. FROM -- ACAD2A::ASGAM "Mee and no one else..." Who's obsessed with sex?? I only have it 20 times a day... and I only think about sex maybe every 5 seconds or so... so I'M not obsessed!! Who is? R: 20 times?!? Twenty (20) times!?! Aren't you utterly desensitized by now? I know *I* am. FROM -- ACAD2A::ASBWC "Brady W. Clark - UAA Math VAX" WHY ASK WHY? TRY SOME PIE. R: I'm not gonna touch that one with a 10-foot Centronics cable. FROM -- ACAD2A::ASMFP "MARA F PLACE" Well, sex is a good way to pass the time until the bars open, and it's a lot cheaper than drugs!!! R: That's what I call a perspective shift. FROM -- ACAD2A::FSTJF "Lost in the whims of the mind" beats me...i still haven't figured that one out... even with all the questionaires i've thrown around this universe... R: I remember getting one of those questionnaires ... "1) Are you, or have you ever been, a member of Tapioca Anonymous? 2) Have you ever had a sexual experience so stimulating that it changed your political views? 3) Do you want to?" FROM -- ACAD2A::PSCAC "CHRISTOPHER A CULBERTSON" Probably because most of them CAN'T get enough of it to not worry about during the day(or night) DON'T KNOW, DON'T CARE that's one of my mottos!!! R: Well, this would hold true, except the actual frequency one is able to satisfy the urge seems to have no direct correlation with how much one is obsessed with it. Gettin' it don't mean you're done. FROM -- ACAD3A::FSJJP "His Royal Highness Corwin" Speaking from a purely philosiphical point of view, this obsession with sex is very profound. Not only do people really get worked up for it but even death and murder have been commited in it's name. To date we scientist of the world, have yet to come up with an adequate answer to this question. Speaking from the purely physical, WE WANT SATISFACTION. R: But we're working on it night and day. FROM -- ACAD2A::ASRST "Darkside Cowboy" It's the REPRODUCTION thing man! I mean what is this bad craziness!! this is too twisted...I mean there is always the socio-psychic factor too... don't worry, I'm your friend, I'm not LIKE the others! now quit this talk or I'll put the leeches on you...god HELL I think I see the Pattern now!! it's sex dammit..that poor bastard, wait till he sees those goddamn bats! I mean this is TRUE! have you seen what god has done to us? what is this vicious genetic mingling we do in the mitosis thing! what was the question again!! damn! oh sex, why are we obsessed...it's the kind of genetic mental backlash that creates those paranoid schizophrenic people like Nixon! and Joe (joey the knife) Mengele and those DeliverANCE-esque banjo-love gods what a goat-fuck that is!. look at that, goat fuck - sex is even our EPITHETS for christ's sake! R: Get the big butterfly net ... we're going in. FROM -- ACAD2A::ASFJP "Fred Polsky -- Computer Geek" People are obsessed with sex? They are? I hadn't noticed. And all this time I thought that the whole human race was on a soul-consuming quest for a more perfect flavour of cheese. I can understand why men would be obsessed with sex, tho. They spend the first nine months fnord inside this nice protective warm thing, and then suddenly are thrust out into the cold, bleak, nasty world. Their first greeting is a slap on the ass. They play the game for awhile, realize how bad it is, and then spend the rest of their lives fnord trying to get the hell back IN. Those that can't instead torment their souls by listening to Roger Waters howl about how he can't get any either. Were my hypothesis correct, all women would be lesbians. Perhaps this explains why I listen to Syd Barrett-era floyd instead of Roger Waters-era fnord, but tend to listen to more Phish than anything now. Llama taboot taboot. Pardon this drivel, but I have been up for several months. I must now go to bed. Diagonal, of course. But first: Radio Free Fredbox, 344-8437, 1200-38400 bps, where 'life' is a four letter word. It's kinda like the IRN except there's more Zippy the Pinhead quotes. Suggested Reading: _High Wierdness by Mail_, edited by the Rev. Ivan Stang, available in darkened corners of obscure bookstores. More obsessions there than you've ever dreamed possible. R: What in the hell? I didn't write this. ASFJP inserted it at the end of the message himself. F: I never! R: See? See? He's pretending he's me! You're off the IRN for good! F: WWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Hey, another thought just struck me. I'm only knowledgeable of men's obsessions. If any of the women out there would care to help explain to me sexual obsession from the female point of view, perhaps do some heavy research on the subject, etc.. Just gimme a holler. (c) 1993 FredCorp, where the bounds of good taste are irrelevant. F: Not bad. That's a pretty good one! R: Hey! You didn't say that! *I* did! FROM -- ACAD2A::ASDYP "Bart (sysadmin@lost.cojones.com)" Gosh, Royce! I didn't know that people were obsessed with sex. Certainly nobody that I know is obsessed with it. Perhaps it's just you? Have you sought professional psychiatric help lately? I might suggest doing so soon. R: I did, actually, but have abandoned that line of treatment, and am now seeking amateur psychiatric help. Much less expensive. Much more entertaining. Just as accurate. FROM -- ACAD2A::ASRDW1 "Royster" Everyone is obsessed with sex because those who are not tend to not reproduce as much. Therefore, the desire to have sex is passed on to the next generation. If you're obsessed with sex, you're more likely to have children. You're also more likely to chafe. R: Who the hell is this guy? FROM -- ACAD2A::ASTJM "Who said life was easy?" yeah but few people want to be seen as vulgar, and admit the only thing on their mind is sex, that there one goal in life is sex on the kitchen counter watching new episodes of star trek R: Does this mean I can die now? What else is left to do? FROM -- ACAD2A::ASSPK "The Arctic Knight" Sex? What's that? R: It's a mutual collusion of interlocking parts that results in the stimulation of a large number of nerve endings in a small area. Makes for good conversation, too. FROM -- ACAD2A::ASCJB1 "Why are people obsessed with sex?" I think theyr'e obsessed because it's the cheapest thrill a college student can get. Being obsessed means they talk about having sex more than they actually do. This is the safest thrill I know!!! R: Talking DURING sex is the next safest. Unless you call out someone else's name ... and it's someone you're related to ... and they're in the same room as you and your partner ... and they have a gun. FROM -- ACAD2A::RSJFG "The Ghost Rider" Because I told them to. :) R: Please tell them to be obsessed with ME. I'm bored. FROM -- ACAD3A::FSMLG5 "IT'S ME AGAIN..." The question is: Why is Royce so obsessed with sexual innuendos??? *smile* Anyway, people are so obsessed with sex because this is the era of the "physically fit." And sex is the only exercise where you get more pleasure than pain. *evil grin* P.S. Now don't get started on that masochist/sadist stuff, R. You know what I mean. .......I think. *sly smile* R: The answer to your question is, "Royce is so obsessed with sexual innuendos because the ability to fence verbally is indicative of an intricate mind, which turns Royce on quite a bit." And yes, I feel that Richard Simmons should make pornos. "Deal-A-Feel." FROM -- ACAD2A::ASDMF "The Electric Messiah" Sex is a popular thing now at days....not only is it fun, but it is a very aerobic exercise. I remember my parents telling me that the human male thinks about sex every 30 seconds. If that was the case, wouldn't you think sex is popular too? Plus you name a activity that is not only fun but exhausting at the end but can do in the privacy of your own home and with or without the lights on using any kind of creative way you want. It reminds me of the famous saying... "STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES, BUT WHIPS AND CHAINS EXCITE ME." R: That reminds me of the famous phrase, "Don is sick. I like that." FROM -- ACAD2A::FSMLM2 "Rebelheart" good question... now for a good answer. Hmmmm havent the foggiest. I dont think Im obsessed. or am I? let me think about this for a while and get back to you in oh, 69 minutes or so? R: Hmm. I never seem to be able to last that long. At least, not the first time. Ah well. FROM -- ACAD2A::FSCLH "a sexual innuendo" *seductive grin* now who in the world says people are obsessed with sex? i think obsessed with sex is probably a Hard term to use... people desire sex.. the yearn, crave, and strive for sex.. they will do utterly insane and downright humiliating things for sex.. they are completely and utterly occupied with sex... but i wouldn't say ... sex, oh my god, that beautiful word to end all words.. that act that one strives for above all else.. i see sex in everything! i see sex in hotdogs and bananas.. i see sex in straws and spiral notebooks.. i see sex in that rock in my shoe.. oh my.. yes, yes, Yes, YES!... .. no... i don't think people are obsessed with sex... R: No, just you. But you're so good at it. FROM -- ACAD2A::ASMMS "The Swan Goddess" It's elementary my dear Williams! It is human nature to like whipped cream. R: Oooh! Good one! The "whipped" part has overtones that might best be avoided ... but that cannot be helped. At least there's plenty of it. FROM -- ACAD2A::AXSBC "PANDA KAHN" I am not obsessed with sex! Oh, pass the jiffy lube and that can of whipped topping please. R: Creepy. It's like you knew Marlys's answer. Except she left out the Jiffy Lube. I hate that. Chafes too much.