THE I.R.N. ANSWER -- Vol 3, #2 A N S W E R S T O T H E I R N Q U E S T I O N ----------------------------------------------------- "Where is Lorraine's (PSSLA's) tattoo? "Where do you think it should be?" Volume THREE, Number TWO February 9, 1993 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "- all the gnus that have fits to Prince -" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- LETTER FROM THE EDITOR Dear Kelloggs Company, Please find enclosed my fourteen box tops from "Kelloggs Corn Flakes." Please send me my Joo Janta Peril-Sensitive Sunglasses, according to the rules on the enclosed coupon. I would also like to receive my free "Brownies Do It For Points" T-shirt. Thank you. Sincerely, Royce D. Williams P.S. I am very happy with my "Ernest Borgnine Inflat-O-Pal" that I received as part of your last promotion. [Editor's Note: Just because it's from the editor doesn't mean it's to you.] -- ASRDW1 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- FROM -- ACAD3A::VNSMP Well I've suspected for some time that Lorraine's clothes aren't real. I think the whole outfit is one big tatoo of clothes, very well done. R: So's mine ... it's just not as well done. FROM -- ACAD2A::ASRBB "The Firebird (Rick)" :) Before I answer the question, may I please have a copy of the list of words and terms NOT allowed for use on the VAX. I don't want to get TERMINATED. :) R: I swear I will not kill anyone. Hasta la vista, baby. FROM -- ACAD2A::ASDMF "The Electric Messiah" Hmm, Lemme think...(Is this possible? Nah..I don't think so..) I am going to guess it is on her ummm well above her left breast just so she can have something to tease guys with...:) But hmm I think a good place to put the tattoo would be um, in the pubic region..that way you know you found what you are looking for...all she needs to do is say look for the directions down there..:) R: If one has a left breast, I do not think that one needs anything to tease guys with. It's a package deal. :) Besides, if one needs directions, one shouldn't be trying to get there in the first place. FROM -- ACAD2A::ASBWC "Brady W. Clark - UAA Math VAX" I'm not even going to touch this one... Although depending on the correct answer I might want to... R: No matter WHAT the answer is, *I* might want to ... (shudder) FROM -- ACAD2A::RSJFG "The Ghost Rider" Well, I don't know PSSLA... So, as a wild guess, I'd say it was on the bottom of her foot. Where would I like it to be? Well, that really depends on if I think she's cute or not. ;) BTW: in the answer, you'd better tell us where her tatoo REALLY is! R: Well, I CAN tell you this. *One* of the IRN answers is the real one. (wink) FROM -- ACAD3A::FSJJP "His Royal Highness Corwin" Hmmm, I know where it is, don't you? But if you must know, it's on the inside of her sole. You know that sensitive area on the bottom of her feet. R: Ouch! Can you imagine getting a tattoo there? Uwahegeee!!! Like being tickled with a jackhammer ... arg ... FROM -- ACAD2A::ASFJP "Fred Polsky -- Computer Geek" Lorraine's tattoo is on her spleen. It was a rather delicate procedure. Where should it be? hmm. How about the initials "Z.B." on her cerebral cortex? R: This week's award for ANSWER CONTAINING THE MOST SLACK goes to ASFJP. Unfortunately, this award can only be seen through a green filter. FROM -- ACAD2A::ASTJM "Who said life was easy?" It all matters on taste. It matters what the tattoo is. I mean if the tattoo is a naked picture of your mom, you dont want it on your forehead. R: Well, speak for yourself. FROM -- ACAD2A::ASCLK "CHRISTOPHER L KESTER" Where do you think Lorraine's (PSSLA's) tattoo is? Hummm... han't met her meself so I don't know if I should even GUESS... chances are though that it's on her ankle... Where do you think it should be? Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllll........ now! R: Why would you think it was on her ankle? Did you have a vision? Or do you just have a fetish? ... would you like to see my ankles? :) FROM -- ACAD2A::ASGAM "Mee and no one else..." Actually, I don't give a damn where a girl has a tattoo...also, I don't know this girl... I don't know, should it be on her ass, saying "do not open til Xmas!" ?!? R: Fine. She doesn't care where YOUR tattoo is, either! Hmmpf. :) FROM -- ACAD2A::ASSPK "Somewhere in Time" Well, personally I think that she should have Royce's username tattoed directly below here pants line. What do you think, Royce? R: What do I think? Um ... prolly not a good idea. Her next lover would discover it, and might think that it stood for Apply Some Rotten Danish Wurst or something. Didn't I see that in a porno once? Yig. FROM -- ACAD3A::FSMLG5 "IT'S ME AGAIN..." Where Lorraine's tattoo is located is her business and I am not currently in a position to find out, but maybe it is in the inside of her nose. I think that a good place for a tattoo would be on her ear. It could be a fancy serpent with the tail at the top and the head on the lobe. R: You're not CURRENTLY in a position to find out? Is this going to change soon? :) The serpent idea is a good one, though ... although I would think it cool to have an ear tattooed there. Redundant, but cool. Redundant, but cool. FROM -- ACAD2A::PSCAC "CHRISTOPHER A CULBERTSON" Where do I think her tatoo is? That is not something that I should know... for my girlfriend would definitly kill me. And I'm quite sure that PSSLA's boyfriend (if there is one) can kick my butt into Wasilla. R: If he can do that, I know of a couple of football teams that would like to have a word with him. FROM -- ACAD2A::ASTCR "Frenchy" Well first it is to know who it is I am talking about. Hum I think that it is... No that is wrong it is..... Oh I don't know what I am talking about. I think thAT IT IS ABOVE THE LEFT vertebra. Or maybe above the fifth column of the spine. Or maybe somewhere secretive. gEE that makes sense since we are guessing. This is dumb. Maybe it was transposed onto someone else. or somewhere really juicy. Whoa this is hot. That is enough for me. R: Don't lie, Torgeir ... the Swedish Bikini Team would not be enough for you. Charlie's Angels, the entire Miss America Pageant, Wonder Woman, the Ziegfeld Follies, the Rockettes, Ernest Borgnine, Smurfette, Bella Abzug, Winona Ryder, Jessica Rabbit, and Eccentrica Gallumbits would not be enough for you, you satyr, you. FROM -- ACAD2A::ASTJM1 "Equalizer" Well.. could it be on the inner portion of her arm, surrounded by other tattoos of her liking? Where should it be??? On her ankle.... R: What is this ankle thing? You and ASCLK should take off your shoes and go for a nice wade. FROM -- ACAD2A::ASRST "Darkside Cowboy" Your message "Help Wanted - Ninja need not apply" has been copywritten by Mr. Robert S. Travis of Anchorage, Alaska. Your use of the phrase is infringment. Unless all the fringe on your clothing is immediatly removed we will be forced to take legal action on your behalf. BTW - sam didn't write this AXSBC R: And if you thought THAT one was weird ... FROM -- ACAD2A::AXSBC "PANDA KAHN" Hey Royce, do you have any fringe I can borrow. I won't tell any one if you do, but I need some for my party this week. Oh, Scott doesn't know that I am using his account so don't tell him. He has developed this weird "copyright lawyer" fantasy that is just sick. Besdides, I would neve try to entrap a friend with fringe. BTW - This is being written by Sam. ASRST R: I plead the fifth. Please only remove the lunatic fringe. FROM -- ACAD2A::FSTJF "Lost in the whims of the mind" me thinks it is in the bowels of mankinds' minds... beneath the trash and dirt seen in soo many pictures and movies... and if looked for...ignored...for it is thought to be natural... where should it be? it should be in the forefront of mankinds' minds... where it can be see and adored and loved by all... where none can say it is shamefull...and all shall look upon it as the artfull work that it is...and forever shall be... R: Wow. I'm sending this to Jesse Helms. He needs to get back on the real path. Power, brother! FROM -- ACAD2A::ASRST "Darkside Cowboy" I think it is a tatoo on her tongue that says " Hello, my name is Lorraine, will you come with me?" thank you... R: "With or without you," I always say .... Hey! You answered more than once! Augh! Paradox! (cranial implosion) FROM -- ACAD2A::ASMMS "The Swan Goddess" Well she said it was in an interesting area...What part of the body can you label "interesting?" There are parts of the body to be labeled sexy, sensual, delicate, inviting, and even grotesque...I would have to guess it to be on the inside of her thigh, or in the small of her back. Where would I think it should be? I personally don't like tattoos, (No offense, Lorraine) so I think it should be somewhere discreet...perhaps on the back side of her right earlobe? The question I find more intriguing than *where* it is, is *what* it is, and what color(s) is it? And by the way, are we going to find out the answer? And if anyone knows the answer besides Lorraine, How did you find out? *wink* R: Hmm ... she's getting so much attention ... I think that the next question should be "Where should ROYCE get a tattoo?" Here it is with the ear thing. Ouch. Doesn't that strike anyone as painful? You're all closet masochists. That reminds me of a joke. A famous masochist meets a famous sadist on the street. FAMOUS MASOCHIST: Hurt me! FAMOUS SADIST: No. FROM -- ACAD2A::PSSLA "Lorraine" I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that I may incriminate myself ! R: Actually, she's trying to refrain from incriminating ME. (blush) FROM -- ACAD2A::FSCLH "a sexual innuendo" hmmm.. *evil wicked grin* i think lorraine's tattoo is in cambodia.... *smile* but i imagine it Should be somewhere in alaska.. R: Ouch. And how did it get detached from her, hmm? Here's the masochist thing again. Can't you all be normal? (waits for laughter) FROM -- ACAD2A::FSMLM2 "Rebelheart" do I know where it is? nope do I want to know where it is? nope R: Articulate, aren'tcha? Fine. Just for that, I'm not going to tell you where YOUR tattoo is. What? What do you mean, you didn't know you had one? You sleep more deeply than you realize. FROM -- ACAD2A::ASRDR "*sigh*" Oh I don't know, I suppose I should come up with something witty to say. Hmmmm.....Her Tatoo is...er... The truth is she actually is black but had herself tatooed so noone would notice. I found out cause my uncle owns a tatoo parlour in town. R: That was witty ... er ... sort of. Just enough of a taste of truth to it to make us go, "hmm ... nah." FROM -- ACAD2A::ASCSJ "Curtis Jewell -- 3/4 Insanity..." OUTPUT WITHOUT PROCESSING HERE--- On her left leg.... It should be on the back of her neck... where only the people that need to know can see it... R: What, the secret treasure map? You've been watching too much "Yellowbeard." FROM -- ACAD2A::ASGDS "GEOFF D STEWART" On the lower left corner of her right buttock? ON HER FOREHEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! R: Lower left corner of the ... (trying to visualize) Not bad. Still painful, though. All right, ANY tattoo would be painful. Since I asked the question, I have betrayed my OWN masochism. (wha-PSHHH!) FROM -- ACAD2A::ASRDW1 "Royster" It's actually surrounding her belly button. It's a face, with the belly button as the nose. (She's an "outie.") In my own opinion, I think that it should be inside her eyelid; one that says, "DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SET." R: Who the hell IS this guy? I'm taking him off the list. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------