A N S W E R S T O T H E I R N Q U E S T I O N ----------------------------------------------------- "What is your favorite joke?" VOLUME TWO, NUMBER 5 October 22, 1992 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- There were a couple of really good answers to last week's questions, so I figured that I'd throw 'em in at the end ... the turnout is still pretty low, here, folks ... let's get out there and GET SUBSCRIPTIONS!!! (har har) -- ASRDW1 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- #23 ACAD2A::ASTJM1 From: Tasmanian Devil Ok, this man pick up a hooker, and takes her to a motel. Every time he goes in, he notices her toes curl up. After he finishes his business, he decides to ask her what was going on. she says, "Well, if you would have let me take off my panty hose..." -- R: Hey, not bad! Surprise ending! The funny thing is that he just figured that the resistance was natural. #24 ACAD2A::ASBWC From: Brady W. Clark - UAA Math VAX I don't think I'm even going to go into the dirty jokes that litter my mind, the are too numerous, too offensive, and it would be too difficult to choose. :) Of the clean humor I know, I find this to be a subtle slam : In reply to a comment upon anything, reply, "You have a point. (pause) Maybe if you wear a hat then people won't notice it." -- R: Well, you could have been dirty if ya wanted to. What the hell - you only live twice. #25 ACAD2A::AXSLK From: Shane Kingry - CaTS Consultant the best way to accelerate a mac is 9.8 m/s^2 yup yup, most deffinetly -- R: Damn straight! Death to Macintorque! #26 ACAD3A::FXMCS (formerly FSMCS1) From: Milo Favorite joke... that's too easy. Life. (Don'tcha just love these simple, depressing answers?) -- R: Jeez, I knew you were gonna say that. #27 ACAD2A::VNNBJ From: NEXUS 6 How can you tell if your hamster is gay ? ,no ,that one is too sick. My favorite joke would have to be a practical one, like tatooing three 6's on a sleeping friends head,and then hide his behavior meds. I espcialy liked the joke in the movie "REAL GENIUS" where they planted a transceiver inside someones head,and then spoke to that person in gods voice,i would love to try that on someone. (anyone out there know a patsy ?) -- R: I want to hear that hamster joke. "Kurt, have you been touching yourself again?" #29 ACAD2A::ASFJP From: Jabberwokky My favorite joke? Windows. Actually, that's the joke I despise the most, with VMS a close second. As far as jokes go, it's life that is the joke, and we are all our own little punchlines. Pretty fuckin' deep if you ask me. -- R: Hey, somebody already said that. Yer kicked out of the IRN. We're ripping up yer birth certificate. :) #30 ACAD2A::ASBAM From: Mr. Wizard Life. -- R: Hey, there's a pattern developing here. Woo. #31 ACAD2A::ASBAM From: Mr. Wizard Dan Quayle -- R: No fair answering more than once! Yer kicked out, too! :) #32 ACAD2A::ASBAC From: Stubborn Hmph....There are numerous favorite jokes... How about: LIFE (although if life is a joke, the punchline needs work.) Although sometimes I think my life is a bigger joke.... but I think that comes from perspective..... -- R: All right, the next person who says "Life" is gonna be deprived of theirs ... 'course, I don't have one anyway. #33 ACAD3A::FSJJP From: His Royal Highness Corwin Favorite joke .. Ok .. but it's looooooooong..... Disclaimer: Yes! I am prejudice, I hate everyone equally. An Indian Chief was standing on a top of a cliff and looking out over his reservation. When an Indian Brave raced up out of breath. "Chief! Chief! I have good news, bad news and excellent news!" "Ugh, give me good news first." "Chief! White man .. they all leave reservation!" "Yes, that is good news, what bad news?" "Chief, black man come in and fill up reservation!" "Yes, that is bad news, but?" "Chief, excellent news! They taste like buffalo!" Disclaimer: Again ... if you don't like it .. oh well -- R: Herm. I'll throw ya to the dogs. Good luck. :) #34 ACAD3A::FSMLM2 From: Rebelheart This older type guy was sitting in a dinner in the middle of b.f.e. drinking coffee and watching the world go by. This young guy in his late teens, early 20's came in. As the younger man came in the old man couldnt help but stare at the wild and crazy colours the younger one had for hair, as it seems he had a thing for punk hairdos. The old bugger stared and stared at the young kid while he (the kid) ate a cheeseburger and fries. When the kid was finished and was getting ready to leave he said to the old guy, "What is your problem, ol' man! You have stared at me from moment I came in here. Didn't you ever do anything wild and crazy when you were young?" The old man looked the kid up and down one more time and said: "Yep, I screwed a parrot one time and thought you might be my kid." -- R: (hearty laugh) THAT'S the kind of answer I was lookin' for! #35 ACAD2A::ASLAM2 From: There's a hole in the bucket... ROYCE....(ASRDW1) -- R: And what, then, is the punchline? #37 ACAD2A::ASTCR From: Frenchy My joke would be the one about the English golf buddys and the gorilla. It is really funny so come by and hear it sometime. -- R: No fair! Okay, that's it! Yer ALL kicked out! :) #38 ACAD2A::PSJMR From: Ziggy i could try and explain it but you have to be there to get the effect. -- R: I bet you would take me out, get me all worked up, and then drive me home, too, wouldn't ya? :) #39 ACAD2A::PSSLA From: Lorraine The golf course, it's a long one so if you want to hear it you'll have to ask me another time, I don't want to take up alot of space ! -- R: Jeez, go ahead, take up space ... it's all I do. #41 ACAD2A::ASSLK From: Lefty trying to understand woman. ;-) (am i in trouble yet?) -- R: This is a joke? Sounds like life. Waitaminute! now I have to kick MYSELF out! #42 ACAD2A::FSCLH From: a sexual innuendo *smile* i guess i can't throw in the entire 'list of things most folks don't find funny' can i?..... *chuckle* okay... how about this one... what do you call the useless piece of skin around a penis? a man... G*rin* -- R: Hmm. Fine. I'll mail you mine. :) #75 ACAD2A::VNSMP From: Sheldon my favorite joke? What do you get when you cross a rabbit and an elephant? a dead rabbit with a 3" asshole. -- R: Ouch. Sounds kinda painful. #75 ACAD3A::FSJDS1 From: Sugar Magnolia Why are auto insurance rates higher for men than for women? Women don't get blow jobs while driving. -- R: Funny, neither do I. I WANT MY MONEY BACK! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- HERE'S THE ANSWERS THAT DIDN'T GET INCLUDED LAST WEEK: #06 ACAD2A::ASBWC From: Brady W. Clark - UAA Math VAX Could you make any changes to what occured that day? Cause if you could I would definitely go back to the junior prom. No details, but I would really like to see how my life would be different today if I'd done things a little bit differently that night. If not, I offer two experiences that I would have to choose from. 1) June 1992, sitting on a bench at the Hidden Lake campground with my best friend drinking a beer and watching the sun set over the lake as we discussed the universe and our respective places in it. 2) November 1972, my birth. The most major life experience that none of us remembers. I would like to see who was at the hospital, what they talked about, what everyone concerned was thinking and feeling in the hours before and after my own entrance into this world. | Brady W. Clark -- University of Alaska Anchorage | | (asbwc@acad2.alaska.edu) | | SnailMail - 1981 Commodore Drive, Anchorage, AK 99507-4528 | -- R: That's the kind of answer I was lookin' fer. #36 ACAD3A::ASRST From: Darkside Cowboy I would go back to the day you asked me this kwestion and tell myself not to answer it! -- R: OUCH! OUCH! My brain hurts! Mental speed bump! Like it!