ATTORNEYS AT LAW

1009 W 7TH AVENUE

ANCHORAGE, ALASKA 99501

TELEPHONE: (907) 279-4529

FAX: (907) 279-9223


12 Commandments for Divorcing Parents

Recently one of the Superior Court judges presently assigned to family law cases in Anchorage handed both parents a form entitled "12 Commandments for Divorced Parents (Both of You) at the conclusion of their case. The form contains some helpful advice for not only for parents who are already divorced, but for those who are in the process of a divorce or custody case. Sharing it in this column may help parents avoid the wrath of this judge during a future trial or hearing, especially since one of the two judges most likely to hear the case in Anchorage has apparently approved the following "commandments." Here they are:

1. Never make visitation arrangements directly with children under 12.

2. Never suggest visitation arrangements you have not previously discussed with the other parent. Always confirm with the other parent any visitation arrangements made with the children 12 and over.

3. Send and return children who are clean, well rested, and fed. Do not send or return a sack or suitcase full of soiled clothes.

4. Do not use a telephone answering device to screen calls from the other parent, or limit telephone access between your children and the other parent - except after your children's actual bedtime, not the bedtime you would like them to have.

5. Do not discuss divorce disputes with your children, or allow them to hear you discussing your differences regarding them.

6. Do not send messages or money with your children.

7. Do not speak ill of the other parent- or of his or her relatives, friends, or loved ones.

8. Do not ask your children for information about the other parent's household, friends, income, or activities.

9. Do not believe everything your hear from your children.

10. Do not second-guess the other parent regarding discipline, rewards, or anything else.

11. Give a sympathetic ear to your children, but affirm and reaffirm as often as necessary that you are not a referee or a mediator between your children and the other parent.

12. Be courteous. Do not honk your horn for your child to come out. Walk to the other parent's door, but do not go inside unless invited. Have the children ready to go. Always be on time. Smile.

During a divorce, the behavior of parents toward their children can come back to haunt them in court or in a custody investigator's report. Following the above advice is not only good for your case: your children will benefit from it as well.

If you are a parent who undergoing a dispute over custody or divorce, it may be wise to consult with an attorney to determine your legal rights. Many attorneys will meet with potential clients for a nominal fee to answer questions and define the services they offer. It is often important to consult with an attorney as soon as possible in order to make preliminary decisions and to take appropriate action.

Steven Pradell is an Anchorage attorney with a practice emphasizing family law, including divorce, custody, domestic violence, adoption, and child support. © 1997 by Steven Pradell. This article is not intended to provide legal advice and should not be relied on for that purpose. The law office of Pradell and Associates provides low cost legal consultations. A helpful staff provides prompt, courteous services to meet your legal needs. Give Pradell and Associates a call today, at (907) 279-4529-- (279-4LAW).