©2003 Larry Huntsperger Peninsula Bible Fellowship
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07/06/03 |
No More Victims |
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7/6/03 No More Victims
What I have to share with you this morning
is something we have bumped up against a few times in the past,
but never quite from the perspective that I want to take this morning.
We are going to pull out of our Ephesians study for one more week
just because I have some thoughts
that I want to try to put into words
in a way that hopefully will be of some value to you
in your own ongoing pursuit of health,
and strength,
and solid footing in your lives.
I believe our prevailing concept
of effective Christian living
has been shaped not by the truth God reveals to us about ourselves in Scripture,
but by the definition our culture has given us
for mental health
and effective living.
Our modern American culture tells us
that we are a mass of emotionally
and psychologically scarred individuals,
suffering from the victimization and abuses we experienced
in our dysfunctional home backgrounds,
and that the best we can hope for
is to find some effective tools
that will help us to cope with
and overcome those damaged areas in our lives.
We live in a culture
that takes great pride in facing honestly
the baggage we are packing around from our past.
The problem is
that as Christians we have bought into
our culture’s belief
that this baggage is the key factor
that really determines who I am
and what I can expect out of life,
even life with God.
We see ourselves as severely damaged goods
doing our best to cope with our damaged areas
so that they don’t destroy us.
Do you remember that poster
that was so popular a few years back -
it showed a little kitten
hanging from a branch by about 3 claws,
with this look of helpless terror on its face,
and the caption underneath read,
‟HANG IN THERE”.
That is the mentality our culture has offered us as the goal for successful living.
It doesn’t surprise me
that we as a Christian culture
tend to believe
that all the truly great men and women of faith
lived in the past,
and that the best our generation can hope for
is to hang in there
until the Lord returns.
Let me read you God’s alternative
to that hanging-kitten perspective on life.
Ps. 40:2 He brought me up out of the pit of destruction,
out of the miry clay, And He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm.
Ps. 40:3 He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise
to our God; Many will see and fear And will trust in the Lord.
You see,
He doesn’t just talk to us
about hanging in there
by three claws.
He talks to us about
placing our feet on solid rock,
with all the strength
and security that foundation can give us.
True, there is often a rather messy process
of pulling us out of the muck
and the mire we have been wallowing in,
but the end result of that process
is to establish a solid foundation under our feet
and a powerful, positive proclamation
out of our mouth.
It is impossible for a person
ever to live beyond
their own self-perception.
In other words, I will always ultimately become the person I really believe I am.
The thing that troubles me so deeply
about what I see going on
in our Christian culture today
is that we have given the society around us
the right to tell us who we are
and who we can become
rather than reserving that right
for the only One who has the ability
to tell us the truth - God Himself.
God says to each of us:
‟You are my holy one,
you are my ambassador.
You are my royal priest,
filled with my Holy Spirit,
a member of a chosen race of people.
I have already made you adequate
as a servant of the new covenant in my blood.
I carefully selected you
for this time,
and this place in history.”
Now here is the tricky part -
As Christians we are to face honestly
who we once were
with whatever baggage that involves
while at the same time
allowing God and God alone
to tell us who we now are.
We are not the tragic victims
of an abusive past,
we are the sons and daughters of the living God,
chosen by Him to represent
His life,
His healing,
and His power to this generation,
indwelt by His spirit,
well equipped for the work assigned to us.
Paul says it well:
2 Cor. 3:5 Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider
anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God,
2 Cor. 3:6 who also made us adequate as servants of a new
covenant...
When we come to the Lord
our calling is not to allow our culture
to shape our understanding
of who we are.
Rather, our calling is to allow our God
to tell us who we are -
and then believe what He says,
and in that belief
find ourselves equipped
for the work and the role God has for us.
OK, now that’s great as far as it goes,
but as I’ve been thinking about some of these things this past week
it occurred to me that what I just said
still may not help us to understand in a practical way
how we are to go about breaking the power of the victim mentality in our lives.
I think I’ve mentioned this before,
but the word “victim” is never used anywhere in the entire Word of God.
The word is not there,
the concept is not there.
Is that because there were no victims until our generation?
Were all the homes in past generations healthy?
Were all the parents wise and loving?
Were there none who struggled with alcohol addiction?
Was there no child abuse?
No adultery?
No hatred?
No selfishness or cruelty or dishonesty?
Just a quick look at a few of the earliest families recorded for us in history proves that wrong.
Look at that little domestic disturbance
that took place between Cane and Abel.
And if you want to see a full-blown dysfunctional home environment
just take a look at Jacob’s home with those 12 brothers.
Things got so bad there
that ten of the brothers tied and gaged their brother Joseph,
sold him as a slave when he was still in his teens,
and then covered his coat in animal blood
and told their father he’d been torn apart by wild animals.
If you think your children are having trouble getting along,
let me tell you - it can get a whole lot worse!
And that’s just a sampling of the a few of the early homes
before things really got bad.
So why don’t we find Biblical history filled with God’s people crying “VICTIM! VICTIM!”?
Why don’t we find Joseph cowering in a defeated and pathetic mess,
moaning over the loss of all that should have been his
had he not been victimized by his family?
When Daniel was dragged out of his family,
and in fact out of his country, as a teenager
and forced into the service of the king of Babylon,
why don’t we see him seeking out local support groups for Teens Victimized By Babylonian Brutality?
Now, I know that I have to be extremely careful here
that I don’t give the wrong impression with what I’m saying.
Every day I live I remember again
how essential it is
that we have strong voices near us that speak to us the truth,
voices that encourage us,
voices that reaffirm to us again and again and again
the truth about who we are in Christ
and assure us that, by the grace of our good God,
we both can and will make it through this life by the strength of our God within us.
There are so many other voices around us
telling us the lies,
voices that attack,
or accuse,
or belittle us,
and we desperately need a constant source of the truth.
And I also know
that sometimes gaining an understanding of the causes of our weaknesses,
or our chronic life struggles
can be a valuable part of the God’s healing process within us.
But there is something subtle yet incredibly powerful
that I believe has taken place within our culture,
something that has impacted the way in which we tend to approach our lives as Christians,
something that, if we are not aware of it,
and if we do not consciously counter it,
can rob us of the kind and quality of life our Lord intended for us to know.
Paul uses a fascinating phrase in his letter to the Colossians.
In Colossians 2:18 he says, “Let no one keep defrauding you of your prize...”
Now, in the context of the letter,
he’s warning the Colossians about those who rob Christians
of their freedom in Christ
by creating for them a system of religious duties
that they are told they then must fulfill in order to maintain good standing with God.
But the phrase itself contains a much broader warning for the believer.
There is a prize that has been granted to us by our God
as a result of our response to His offer of reconciliation with Him through Christ.
It is the prize of life itself,
life as only God Himself can give it,
life lived with confidence,
and assurance,
and boldness,
and richness and victory in the presence of our God.
Our Lord, of course, said it perfectly,
and with so many fewer words than it takes me to say it.
JOH 10:10 "...I came that they might have life, and
might have it abundantly.”
And I believe there is at the core of our modern society
an mentality that has the power to defraud us of that prize,
to rob us of the abundance of life that God intended for us to know.
It is a coping victim mentality
that trains us to think defensively rather than offensively
in our approach to our daily walk with the King.
And to help you understand what I’m trying to say here,
I’ll show you first how I see this playing out within our society,
and then we’ll look at God’s alternatives.
OK, every person who has ever lived
has had at least one significant person in their life
who, from their perspective,
has failed to give them the love they felt they needed or deserved.
It may have been a situation as relatively mild
as a parent who favored one child over another,
or as brutal as direct abuse by another family member
with all the forms that abuse could take.
Having your brothers tie you up
and then sell you into slavery
would certainly come under the family abuse category.
And of course our lost love experiences
are in no way limited to the family structure.
Being ignored or betrayed or unaffirmed
by a significant teacher or mentor,
or maybe by an employer or coworker or friend or fellow student
can create within us that emptiness and pain that comes with love deprived.
If we took the time
and opened up the mics here this morning
every one here could, if we chose to,
share times in our lives when we failed to receive from some other person
the love we felt we needed or deserved.
Our minds, of course,
go first of all to those experiences during childhood
because it is during the childhood years
that we are frequently most deeply affected by such experiences.
But the truth is
if we are looking for them
we can see ourselves as the victims of love withheld
every day we live.
This past week a good friend of mine
shared with me a recent experience in his life
in which he witnessed a man verbally attack and then shred
a highschool boy working at Arbys
because the man couldn’t get the topping he wanted on his baked potato.
So why does it hurt so much when things like that happen to us?
Even when we may know intellectually that the accusations have no basis in truth,
or the attacks are completely unjustified,
still it hurts.
It hurts because deep inside us,
at the spirit level of our being
we know the truth about ourselves.
We know we are unique, eternal creative works of God,
and when those around us fail to show us respect,
or treat us with dignity,
when they fail to relate to us in love
it denies the most crucial truth of our existence -
we have tremendous value,
a value that is rooted not in anything we do or do not do,
but a value that comes simply from the fact of who we are.
OK now, our society will look at those struggles in our lives,
or those empty places that exist within us
because of the love withheld from us by others,
either recently or in the far distant past,
and it will declare us to be victims because of what was done
or not done to us.
Now that’s fine as far as it goes.
But then it is at that point
that I believe our society frequently leads us astray
because the question we are then called to answer
is the question, “So how can I get the love I need?
How can I get others to treat me correctly?
How can I get others to show me love?
How can I get the love I need?”
And as soon as we take that approach
we will lock ourselves into a victim mentality
that will leave us feeling frustrated
and victimized for the rest of our lives.
So what’s the alternative?
What is God’s alternative
to this defensive victim mentality?
And why doesn’t God ever talk with us
about how we can get others to act toward us,
to love us as we think they should?
I can think of at least two reasons why He doesn’t.
First of all,
He doesn’t because any solution to life’s problems
that depends upon our getting any other human being to do anything
is a solution that is destined to fail.
There is only one person in all the world
that we can ever make choices for - ourselves.
We may be able to force others to do or not do certain things,
but we can never ever control their inner decision-making choices.
It is, quite simply, impossible to do anything that will force another person to love us.
And second,
God does not train His people in defensive thinking
because there is a far more effective way of finding true healing in our lives.
Most of the time we cannot control the actions or the attitudes
of those who have victimized us,
but there is one person
whose actions we can control - ourselves,
and there is an approach to life
that truly will bring incredible healing to us
if we choose to follow it throughout our lives.
It is the approach that, rather than becoming defensive in our mental processes,
calls upon us to become offensive.
Rather than trying to get others to alter their behavior,
it involves us choosing to alter ours.
I’m going to share two passages of Scripture with you now
that present to us that choice we can make,
that offensive approach
that frees us from the victim mentality.
And it is my hope
that you will hear what is being said
from a whole new perspective.
Both passages are direct quotations from Christ Himself.
The first is found in John 13:34,
spoken by Christ to His disciples just prior to His crucifixion.
JOH 13:34 "A new commandment I give to you, that you
love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.
But that in itself does not take us quite as far as we need to go.
To complete the picture
I want to also take us to the words of Christ found in Luke 6:27-28.
LUK 6:27 ¶ "But I say to you who hear, love your
enemies, do good to those who hate you,
LUK 6:28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who
mistreat you.
And here is what I want us to see here.
Our Lord understands this world in which we live perfectly.
He understand our fundamental need for love perfectly
because He Himself designed that need into us.
He also knows that all of us,
every single one of us who enter this world
will at times find ourselves deprived of the love from others that we would long to have.
And there are times when we will hurt because of the absence of that love.
But when that happens
the next question we ask ourselves
will determine whether we become victims
or victors in life.
If we ask ourselves the question,
“How can I get love from that person?”
we will very likely set ourselves up for a victim mentality
that will leave us feeling frustrated, helpless, and defeated.
If, however,
we ask ourselves the question,
“How can I show love to this person who has treated me in this way?”
that question will free us
to do as much as we can ever do
to restore what is broken in the relationship.
And I want to broaden this out one step farther before I leave it for the morning.
You see, even beyond those specific relationships in which others have caused us pain,
I see something even more significant going on here as well.
We live in a culture in which we are led to believe
that we should invest our efforts in trying to figure out
how we can get love from those around us.
But the truth is
that approach to life
will never build for us
a truly fulfilling and abundant life.
You see, when our God talks with us
about this whole business of meeting our love needs,
He says the most remarkable thing to us.
He tells us that we are not called to get love
we are called to give it.
And when He gives us this calling
He is also revealing to us
one of the greatest life discoveries we can ever make.
For what we will discover
is that when we take our eyes off of ourselves and our needs
long enough to see the needs in those around us,
and then reach out to them to meet those needs,
to show them love,
the result in our own life is remarkable.
For, as we reach out in love to others,
we find in the most amazing ways,
that our reaching out to them
meets our own love needs.