My Y2K-razy plan:

I live in Anchorage, Alaska where I own a condo in a section of town known as Spenard.  And when Y2K hits Anchorage in the middle of winter, I want to be ready.   Now, some of you may not take Y2K too seriously, but I certainly do.  After all, I've read what Y2K expert Gary North has to say, and he makes some damned good points.

Anyway, my plan is pretty simple.  It involves protecting myself, keeping warm, and having a future in the new apocalyptic wasteland.  As for food...well, I plan to eat my neighbors.

My first step in preparing for Y2K was to get LASIK surgery.  I figured it would be hard to find prescription lenses in the harsh landscape of the future.  Without the ability to see well, I'd be mincemeat.  But now, I have solved that problem.  My laser surgery was quick and virtually painless.  I no longer need to wear glasses and this should help me greatly in the race for survival.

The second step will be to install a gun turret on the porch of my condo.  I'll be protecting this place with a vengeance, so if you plan on storming my little castle, you'll have a rude awakening, brother.  And don't even think about trying to come around the other way because I've got some top secret surprises lined up for you if you try it.  So, I'm pretty well-protected and sitting pretty.  And remember, I can see you.

As an added measure of protection I'm planning on going into the toilet paper business.  This is my stroke of genius, because this is going to help me fulfill all three of my goals: protection, warmth, and my future security.  The way I see it, people can't live without toilet paper.  And when everything goes to hell, you want to have what people need.  The beauty of it is that this will make people come to me.  I won't have to leave the protection of my well-fortified home to do any bartering.  I am going to fill my entire townhouse with roll after roll of toilet paper, all crunched together.  This will serve me well as insulation to keep me warm and as a buffer zone between me and any bullets being fired in my direction.  By the time winter is over, I should have a well-stocked trading post along the apocalyptic highway.

Well, that's my plan in a nutshell.  If anyone has a better plan, I'd love to hear it.  But, ha ha, I highly doubt that anyone does.

See you in the aftermath!