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HINTS FOR BEGINNING CLIMBERS
by DAVID MILLAR
Climbing is considered a sport by climbers, a way of life by fanatics, and suicidal by nonclimbers. Your adherence to the following simple hints will probably not make you a great, or even a very good climber, but it will help to make the sport fun for you.
1. There are no social distinctions in climbing. Wealth or position count as nothing. There are only (1) leaders and (2) frustrated leaders, or followers.
2. Contrary to common belief, the rope is not thrown, shot, or lassoed up the cliff. It gets there because it is tied to the intrepid leader. So are you.
3. A leader personally reserves the privilege of tying the rope about the waists of all females climbing with him. The trip leader ret serves the right of checking ropes tied around all females.
4. It is considered good form while climbing not to knock rocks down. If you insist on doing so, your leader will ask you to retrieve and replace them as we do not wish to rebuild the cliff before using it again. If the rock you do knock down hits a climber below, you will be expected to retrieve and replace him in so far as possible.
5. You will please refrain from drinking alcohol while actually engaged in climbing. Under no condition may you do so without first offering it to your leader.
6. Luncheon on Sunday will be served on the rocks, if you carry it to them. If you don't get hungry every day, this is a good one to skip.
7. The number of bathrooms here is limited (incidentally, there are none at the cliffs). The management, and every last one of the 25 other climbers, will keenly appreciate your conducting yourself while there with the utmost celerity consonant with your beauty and comfort.
8. It is judicious not to brag in advance to your fellow climbers and leaders about how you climbed the Matterhorn one-handed in a raging storm. Let them ask you. Pride is said to go before a fall, and in climbing it goes after, as well.
9. Don't be dismayed if the leader of your rope is a young mother. She isn't yours.
10. The simplest and most inclusive rule for good climbing technique is this: Always treat the rocks as you do the office wolf (or siren) at the Christmas party. Try to keep at arm's length.
11. Please try to remember that, while on the rocks, your rope leader is an unquestioned authority. This rule is without exception even if you think you're better than him, or are married to him, or both.
12. There is no rule against bragging about your exploits when you return to your earthbound associates on Monday.
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